As I watched this week’s Bachelor it came to mind another reason that people on these shows really hit it off, they associate their potential partner with excitement. I’ve noticed that some of the people who end up going fairly far are the people on the adrenaline dates. The sky diving, bungee jumping, adventure and fun dates. Understanding this can help you either plan things that can help you woo someone with adrenaline or can help you understand why you might be excited about someone and can’t understand why.
It’s Chemistry
When we hang out with someone our brains treat us with a flood of chemicals. Usually these are the happy connection chemicals. Especially on a date these things are important, the presence of these or lack thereof can dictate the success or failure of a potential suitor. Dates that include some element of excitement do a few things. First, it’s not another boring date sitting across from each other at dinner. Also can we please kill the classic dinner and a movie date as an early date? I get it, you can see a movie and then talk about it, but really in the first few dates you need to figure out more than if you can talk about a movie you JUST saw together. There are better ways to spend time early on. Back to the adventure…
Misattribution of Arousal
So, first it is not another boring date the someone has possibly been on a million times. These dinner dates have the same script over and over again. Secondly, exciting and interesting dates break up the script and give you a distraction while you are chatting away. Lastly and most importantly, your date will begin to associate you with fun and excitement. Yes, they might say, “We always have fun together,” More importantly though, unconsciously when they think about you their brain will respond as well. This actually has a name… misattribution of arousal. Your brain remembers being excited and attributes it to the person rather than the activity. There are actually studies that prove this. You can read an article about this idea here. Our bodies actually transfer anxiety into sexual attraction.
So in the short if you want to accelerate attraction with a potential date skip the dinner and movie and go rock climbing. If you are wondering why you might be attracted to someone more than you might otherwise, ask yourself what kinds of activities you have been doing together.
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